I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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