he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
