As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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