Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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