oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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