Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
