I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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