Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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