i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
