I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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