the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
