This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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