Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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