I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
