I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
