Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We have started to decorate penises.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
