you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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