just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
