I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize