I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Yo dont text me then not text me
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
