Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
