He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
is wine microwaveable?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
