Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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