i just google imaged poop.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just gift wrapped bread.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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