I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
she pinky promised me she was 18
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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