His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
