I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
