My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
