My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
