well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
