god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize