It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
