you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
