Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
