Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
