help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
