whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
either way he was missing a nipple.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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