im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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