i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Randomize
