I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
