I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
