I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
