this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
