You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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