Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
