You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
