we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
