apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
