If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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