Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
