I am in a vortex of obligation.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
