Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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