ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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