Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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