The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
