She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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