dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
