He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
