there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
