I think I died a long time ago.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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