forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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