You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
