My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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