A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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