I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
