i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
