She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
