How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Houston, we have a squirter
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
