so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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