when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
