You're completely useless in the revolution.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
