Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
