I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
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