She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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